Friday, December 16, 2016

Walt speaks IKEA

I've put together a good number of IKEA items, and many other "Scandinavian" flat-pack style furniture. My collection of Allen-keys is a testament to that. Still, IKEA's pictograph instructions always make me smile. Here I am, the intrepid homeowner, preparing to assemble my new purchase. First, I must speak aloud the names of the tools I will need.

"I shall require a standard screwdriver, a phillips-head screwdriver, an awl, a pencil, a level, a hammer, and a clamp."
Actually, I didn't need the clamp.

I am next advised not to attempt to assemble this item alone, but that I should ask a friend for help. What's Swedish for, "My, what a big pencil you have"?

"Thanks for the help, but there's still a pile of boards on the floor."

There's more, but it gets all technical and stuff. And a little racy (they advise doing it on a rug), so I'll leave all that to your imagination. By the time you read this, the new bathroom cabinet should be totally assembled and installed. Ever the optimist. Photos to come.


  1. I am fine with all the tools except the awl. I don't do awls.

  2. Lewis tried to put an Ikea trundle bed together by himself. He must not have seen the second instruction picture, because he really did look like the picture after only a couple hours. The bed came in a rather small package, but it was VERY heavy. The bed is wonderful and SIL helped get the numerous slats in place.

  3. I always think appropriate music, and one with a timely reminder, for "self-assembling" furniture is:

  4. In response to your need to translate "My, what a big pencil you have" into Swedish, the answer: "My, vhet a beeg penceel yuou hefe-a. Bork Bork Bork." Well in Swedish CHEF, that is, but a true Swede will understand you.

  5. Made me laugh.
    Do you wine along while you're assembling?

  6. I still think IKEA is a front for aliens from outer space who use it as a means to run scientific experiments on human behavior and psychology. IKEA assembly customs must puzzle them.


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