Friday, December 16, 2016

Walt speaks IKEA

I've put together a good number of IKEA items, and many other "Scandinavian" flat-pack style furniture. My collection of Allen-keys is a testament to that. Still, IKEA's pictograph instructions always make me smile. Here I am, the intrepid homeowner, preparing to assemble my new purchase. First, I must speak aloud the names of the tools I will need.

"I shall require a standard screwdriver, a phillips-head screwdriver, an awl, a pencil, a level, a hammer, and a clamp."
Actually, I didn't need the clamp.

I am next advised not to attempt to assemble this item alone, but that I should ask a friend for help. What's Swedish for, "My, what a big pencil you have"?

"Thanks for the help, but there's still a pile of boards on the floor."

There's more, but it gets all technical and stuff. And a little racy (they advise doing it on a rug), so I'll leave all that to your imagination. By the time you read this, the new bathroom cabinet should be totally assembled and installed. Ever the optimist. Photos to come.

7 comments:

  1. I am fine with all the tools except the awl. I don't do awls.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lewis tried to put an Ikea trundle bed together by himself. He must not have seen the second instruction picture, because he really did look like the picture after only a couple hours. The bed came in a rather small package, but it was VERY heavy. The bed is wonderful and SIL helped get the numerous slats in place.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I always think appropriate music, and one with a timely reminder, for "self-assembling" furniture is:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb64ZNInYK4

    ReplyDelete
  4. In response to your need to translate "My, what a big pencil you have" into Swedish, the answer: "My, vhet a beeg penceel yuou hefe-a. Bork Bork Bork." Well in Swedish CHEF, that is, but a true Swede will understand you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Made me laugh.
    Do you wine along while you're assembling?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I still think IKEA is a front for aliens from outer space who use it as a means to run scientific experiments on human behavior and psychology. IKEA assembly customs must puzzle them.

    ReplyDelete

Tell me what you think!